The Girl With The Flower In Her Hair

I like liking you.

I think everything in life is art. What you do. How you dress. The way you love someone, and how you talk. Your smile and your personality. What you believe in, and all your dreams. The way you drink your tea. How you decorate your home. Or party. Your grocery list. The food you make. How your writing looks. And the way you feel.

Life is art.

I can’t describe the feeling to anyone, not even my best friends. Because the rush that I get when I’m around you is unexplainable.

Last night was so good. I was reallyreally happy. It just sucks that today you are hungover. I really want to look after you today :(

You are the one I want to be with for the rest of my life.

I still miss you. Every day I think about you. Most nights I lie in bed crying. I just wish I got to see you one last time before you passed away. Maybe then I’d finally be able to get closure. Last year, on the 3rd anniversary of your death I went to the beach with a candle and my guitar. I played that song we wrote together. I felt better after that. But it’s just not enough. I miss you Justin.

Miserable is a good thing. If you start the day miserable, nobody else can screw up your day.

Sometimes I feel like if I open my mouth I’ll start speaking nonsense, I’ll start admitting things that no one should know. I only wish for everyone to know my secrets, for everyone to know all the monsters that tear within my sides, crawling out wishing to escape. Maybe if they knew, the would understand, maybe they would care. Those days, when I feel like I can’t contain anything inside me, I sleep. I sleep so I won’t say anything that most will never fully comprehend. I sleep to escape into a thoughtless world where he loves me, where she is still my friend. I wish to scream to the world, out my window, in the car park. I wish to scream, “I am here and I am not alone.” But some days that is all I fear. I fear of being alone. I just wish I could get something right, just once. I just wish I could leave this town and live in a small cabin in the woods with the one I love. No problems, no money issues, no work. Just love holding us together like the trees that will surround us.

I am not that bad of a person. Yes I am. I am greedy and like being right and dirty sex. But who doesn’t want to be right or have their brains fucked out? Stand up, anyone? I mean, I’m polite, I don’t cause problems, I don’t hurt anyone and don’t want to, ever. Sure I swallow pills, sure I don’t take the best care of myself, but I am glad I am me and I will stand behind the decisions I make no matter what everyone thinks. I care about people. I am trying t do something that anyone can enjoy or use to feel better about things. We are all so lonely and horny and doing everything we can to catch someone’s eye.

I wish I could say all this to your face..